Underground Police - the ten commandments

Here are the ten rules to adhere to when wanting to become a member of the underground police:

  1. Cool artists or labels that suddenly become famous and cross over can never return to their first state of coolness. Anything they do or release thereafter must be ignored and can never be as good as it used to be when they were cool.
  2. Limited vinyl is only cool when you have got a copy yourself.
  3. Anybody wearing a v-neck shirt is to be approached with caution and considered as a threat to the underground lifestyle. This is especially the case for DJ’s. Unless gay, then it is okay.
  4. At a party there is to be no dancing, nor any smiling, hitting on boys or girls, taking drugs or drinking. Having fun in general is to be frowned upon. Parties are there to stand near the wall or booth and comment on DJ’s and their selection. The use of words like ‘proper’, ‘raw’, ‘analogue’ and ‘underground’ when commenting is commended at all times.
  5. Social media are not there to interact with friends or meet new people. They shall only be used to make comments about music and DJ’s. Posting songs you consider to be cool should be a daily routine. But beware of artists nearing the state described in paragraph 1!
  6. Any label, artist or project originating from New York or Detroit is always cooler than anything else.
  7. Addendum to paragraph 1 – Artists or labels that crossed over a long time ago can become cool again. E.g. Marvin Gaye was NOT a mainstream artist.
  8. Although you have to read anything on RA, Pitchfork and other publications, you should always say that they got it wrong and that they ‘ain’t what they used to be’.
  9. Record shops are only worth visiting when nobody goes there.
  10. Wearing a rare grooves hat at all times earns you extra credibility.